“Everything Happens For a Reason” – and Other Unhelpful Platitudes When You are Facing Breast Cancer

It is easy to understand the urge to be positive in the face of adversity. The idea that you need to “look on the bright side” and “turn that frown upside down” are interwoven in the zeitgeist of our times– happy is good, sad is bad– and when faced with adversity we keep our head up, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, or countless other cliches that define a culture obsessed with positivity and independence.
But what happens when life just doesn’t make sense – like when you get a breast cancer diagnosis? Or your loved one does? Reality does not always match up with the cliches. Life produces many emotions and while some can be difficult or painful, those emotions deserve expression.
The Toxic Positivity Problem for Breast Cancer Thrivers
Toxic positivity is the idea that all negativity should be avoided and suppressed. Having a positive mindset is an important aspect of mental wellness. However for someone who is dealing with the strong emotions that accompany a breast cancer diagnosis and treatment, suppressing your vast emotional experiences has its consequences. Toxic positivity can lead to increased stress, ignoring problems, hiding painful emotions, denying needs, and developing guilt for feelings you have every right to feel.
Still, people in your life are well meaning and want to help ease your distress (and their own) – which is why it is important to be aware of the traps of toxic positivity.